Wednesday, 10.02.2013
It is time to head to Arizona and I couldn’t be more excited. Back in Asheville, I accidentally left a bunch of clothes that I was wearing almost everyday. Ross had put them in the mail earlier in the week and they were supposed to be in Colorado when I was there. The fact that I don’t really have an address has been causing some issues, “real-life” issues you could say. After a somewhat stressful front desk and post office trip we are on our way, without the package.
I woke up this morning after having a night of these dreams that seem to be reoccurring. Every few months I will have a dream that my mom did not die. For those who are reading and do not know, I will go into it later. This dream is very startling because of the situation. My mom is still alive in the dream and instead of dying she actually just left us for a while. My sisters and I tend to have similar dreams on the same night so I contacted them about it. This already threw my day off a bit.
Once we were on the road we started having conversations about many different topics of life. Many of these topics were ones that most people seem to be ashamed to talk about. Chris has had many struggles early in life with drug use and people in his life passing away from addiction and/or depression. We share similarities in a sense but both have experienced different hardships, not that any one is more difficult then the other…just different. We got to talking about addiction, depression and suicide. I thought about whether or not I would share this but quickly decided that I will not be one of those people who are ashamed or hesitant in any way. A lot of these issues are ignored in our society, which is sad in itself. There are many people depressed and trying to deal with things and many people around them that are completely unaware. I’ve seen so many situations in the past two years that I feel and I’m sure many people feel something needs to change. This must start with awareness.
In order for me to write about what I experienced in Sedona, I would like to share my thoughts that led up to those experiences.
The dream the night before startled me so much because my mom didn’t just die naturally. She decided to take her own life two years ago. She was depressed for many years after many hardships including losing the love of her life (our stepdad) and could not get out of living in the past. It was a very traumatic experience but I try to only hold onto it in a way that I can move forward from it. It and everything that led up to that point in my life has made me who I am. It is life, my life. Therefore, I have made it my goal to LIVE and be the strong woman that I know I can be; mentally and physically strong. To never stop experiencing.
After some time of deep conversations and helping each other verbalize our thoughts and experiences we are back to the trip.
We stop to see Four Corners; the point where Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona all touch. You have to pay to go into the site; it is located on Navajo land. I have been strangely obsessed with touching four states at once. I will now admit it might have something to do with Mandy Moore’s excitement of being in two places at the same time in A Walk to Remember. I figured I could top her excitement by being in four places at one time. Try not to judge.
We then head to the Grand Canyon. The government shut down the night before so we were unsure if we were actually going to be able to go in the park. We get there and there is one lady working the window. She does not charge us the excessive entrance fee and advises us to try and resist the urge to enter the scenic view pull offs. I am a bit hesitant but then quickly find out that the other 15+ cars in the park are definitely not resisting. We find ourselves swerving between cones and entering almost all of the scenic views. It is beyond worth it. The Grand Canyon is amazing. I have never seen anything like it. I would like to go back at some point and hike. Everyone was running out of their cars to the overlooks and back into their cars to rush to the next overlook because the sun was quickly setting. It was great.
I wake up and find out that my student loan payments are going up because I did not file a renewal on my income based repayment plan, what a great feeling. Stressed and running around trying to find a way to print and mail the forms, I finally figure it all out. Once we start driving the Sedona I am feeling great again. The mini Oh shit I am homeless and away from “real life” documents, computers, internet and printers is over! I am about to meet an awesome host and hike Bell Rock in Sedona, Arizona. We get a bit lost but end up finding the place.
The house on Rainbow Lane. Peter is the couch surfing host, a spiritual and open-minded guy. He moved from Brooklyn years ago to Arizona. He has taken over 200 surfers up to the top of Bell Rock and is aiming for 1,111. His home is amazing. He moved in with an amazing artist back in December, I believe. Imagine a home comprised of spirituality, creativity, artistry and… it was beautiful. I already wanted to come back.
We are only able to stay for one night because of time constraints on when I have to make it to San Francisco to meet a friend. There is amazing energy in this home. There are spiritual circles, crystals and paintings everywhere. It is also located far off on a dirt road so the stars at night are amazing. We also meet Wieteke; she is from Amsterdam and has been staying with Peter for two weeks now. She is an amazing person as well; a beautiful artist and traveler. This will be her fourth time climbing to the top. We only have about 40 minutes before we have to head to Bell Rock. Bell Rock is said to hold one of the vortexes and Peter tells us it has male energy. I definitely would like to start researching more about the experiences I had in my short time in Sedona.
I have recently discovered that I am a bit afraid of heights. I can jump out of airplanes no problems but something about being on the ground at high elevations startles me a bit, which is good because after fear comes the adrenaline rush. I had been nervous all day, going to Sedona and at the start of the climb. It wasn’t the typical nervous but more nervous because I knew I was suppose to be here even if for just one day. Its like I already knew this would add to the constant convincing my mind has been doing to my self that I will never settle and always be doing what makes me happy. These “unconventional” experiences are life. I put that word in quotations because only to some they are unconventional. Experience. Experience. Experience.
In this episode, I was the first new climber to get to the top. Number 236 of the Top of Bell Rock Club. Wow, was it beautiful. I was in awe over the family that we were hiking with. Their youngest son was absolutely fearless. The family was leaving their life in Nova Scotia to travel together and see the world. They were absolutely amazing. I instantly admired them.
Peter kept encouraging to climb a bit higher at different points on the top. Every view was beautiful. There are not enough words to describe the experience and I hope to never forget the feeling.
At one higher point there is a prayer/wish box. After taking pictures we have the opportunity to write something in it. I sit down and write a mini letter to my mom and stepdad John, mostly to my mom. John died almost eight years ago from a heart attack, he had kidney problems since he was 16yrs old and his heart was just not strong enough anymore. I wrote wishing that they found each other wherever they are and that hopefully she finally found peace that she could not find here on earth.
At the bottom you can feel how great everyone is feeling. Peter had stated in the beginning before we met the Lockhearts that whoever makes it to the top, he always takes out the dinner. He stuck to his word. We all head to a Chinese restaurant. Angela, Socrates significant other eventually joins us. We all share stories over our meals and just have an overall amazing time. Today I got to meet so many new people, all from different backgrounds. We all came together though and climbed Bell Rock. Angela said something that stuck out to me at dinner. She (and actually Socrates) said that Chris and I looked familiar… and in this she meant that when people feel that they have met before it usually means that they are seeing each other on a deeper level, even if it actually is the first time you have met. Again, beautiful.
We get back to Peter’s place and relax. Chris and Wieteke try to make an IPhone star app work; we exchange U.S. and Dutch mannerisms, get showered and head to bed. When Peter was getting things set up for me, he handed me this Mystic Art Medicine cards that were created by Cher; the artist living with Peter. I had my cards read once before, along time ago. After writing for a while, I glance over at them and decide to check them out. I briefly read through the book and decide to do the daily guidance card. You are supposed to shuffle through the cards and pick one that feels right. I pick PERSERVERENCE.
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